LETTER for Aimee I

Aimee, du är den vackraste kvinnan i hela världen. Om jag inte var en homosexuell man jag vill suga allt blod direkt ur dig.

Beautiful Aimee,

I want you to know that I am in a loving relationship with a very attractive man, we have been together for many years and are deeply in love. However, I would give it all up for you. You are the most captivating woman I have ever known. You are my waterfall. You may not know this but when you are watching me on television I can see you. It's very distracting because you are so beautiful. I try to focus on my scenes but I look out and see you sitting there on your couch in those jammies, eating those gluten free brownies and staring back at me. It's more than I can take. You must be mine.

The truth is, I am honestly a vampire. I don't just play one on television. And I know that might be awkward for you, although it's my understanding that you have dated more than one soul sucking demon in the past. But Aimee, if I can work past being gay for you, surely you can overlook this one teeny insignificant detail for me?

So what if you wake up in the middle of the night and I'm nibbling off your toes? So what if you get a bloody nose and it causes me to start chewing on your face? These are the things we do for love min älskling.

So here is my plan. Once I wrap shooting on this season of True Blood I will take the first flight into Chicago where I will float up on your balcony and passionately kiss you. Then, maybe you could make me a sandwich. I like ham on rye. Then we will passionately embrace throughout the night under the stars, but if that is too much for you I'm happy to sleep on the air mattress. I think the next day we shall walk hand in hand by the lake, then perhaps take in a Cubs game? I will buy you a hot dog for lunch (I myself will dine on rickshaw driver du jour) and then we can go back to your apartment to swim in the moonlight in your rooftop pool. And watch Lost.

After that you will travel back with me to Sweden where we will marry in a traditionella svenska bröllop where you will make a beautiful bride.

Oh my beautiful red blooded darling, we will be so happy together, unless I accidentally eat you, which I PROMISE to try very hard not to do. Perhaps each day you could prick your finger and give me one drop, and in return, I promise to do handiwork with my shirt off as often as possible.

Your Lover,

Aleksander